So I have spent the entire weekend fighting with Fedex over a late Christmas Present.

My parents live in Maine, and bought me some flannel PJ’s for Christmas. They were the wrong size, so Mom went to replace them with some ones that would fit better. BAD IDEA

Mom sends me the Tracking #, and I keep tabs on the package. Says its supposed to arrive on Thursday. Great!!

THURSDAY
We get home Thursday night; no package. I check online:

You got it. No package at the house; but it says its delivered.

So I call Fedex Customer Service. The phone call went something like this….

“Hello Fedex; this is Jorge (mumbles last name), how may I help you.”
“I have a package issue”
“Can I have your tracking number?”
“Sure……”
“Says the package was delivered…what’s the problem?”
“The package wasn’t delivered.”
“It says its delivered”
“It wasn’t.”
“But it says it was.”
“I believe your drivers actually delivered it to A house. Just not MY house.
“Well, I can do nothing for you tonight. The dispatch station will call you tomorrow. Thank youfor using Fedex.” {Click}

FRIDAY

11am comes & goes, and I decide to call back. Same deal with customer service.
I notice again, that no one gives their last name…interesting. Speak to a woman named Jackie, or Jack-aay. Which morphed into “Jack-ass” after about 5 minutes of speaking to her. Jackass talks to dispatch for me. Then lets me know that the driver might call me.

11:30 or so, I get an outside phone call.

“Hello Heather…”
“Um…yeah…you say I didn’t deliver your package?”
“Excuse me; may I ask who I am speaking to today?”
“This is your driver, Mike.”
“Hi Mike. From Fedex?”
“Yeah. What’s your problem with your package?”
“The package wasn’t delivered.”
“It was.”
“Not to my house. Which house on the circle did you deliver it to?”
“I think the 2nd one.”
“Mine’s the 3rd one in on the left, or on the right; its the one in the middle. It’s brown & red.”
“It was dark.”
“Where did you leave the package, Mike?”
“On the left most side of the garage; right next to the breezeway.”
“The left most side of our garage is the woods. Our house is to the RIGHT of the garage.”
“No, it’s not.” (why he would argue still amazes me)
“Yes it is. So how are you going to fix this, Mike?”
“I’m not doing anything. I’m getting a temp to help me {belches}. He might be around later today.”
“Mike; this needs to be re-delivered. I expect this to be fixed. Thanks for your help” {Click}

8:00 pm.
So the delivery time for Mike-y has come & gone.
I call Fedex Customer service again.

This time, I speak to a man named Chris C. Chris actually gives me his last name. And appears competent, and has full use of the English language. So I’m hoping that this gets me somewhere. He tells me that:
1) It was Mike’s responsibility to get me my package within 48 hours of being notified of the mistake
2) If I do not receive my package in 24 hours, I am within my rights as a consumer to escalate.

3) I have to reach the dispatch office by close of business Saturday. Which is by 4pm.
4) If I have to escalate, first & last names of people I speak with, plus involving the shipper (in my case LLBean) is required.
Which leads to the following discussion:

“Chris–did you just say first AND last names?”
“Yes. You’ll need both.”
“So is this why the first 2 service reps I spoke to mumbled their last name?”
“Probably. Wouldn’t surprise me.”
“This is making more sense. Thank you so much. Please know that if I do have to escalate, I will make it perfectly clear that out of all of the people I have spoken to thus far, you are by far the most helpful & competent.”
“Thank you. Have a good night. And good luck” {Click}

SATURDAY
This has started to get irritating now. I’ve called my neighbor to see if they’re home. They’re not. And I’ve checked the outside, looking for green packages. I don’t see any. Because I’m firmly believing that I can handle this better without help from the big-bad-Fed-Ex.
1pm rolls around, and no PJ’s. I’m starting to keep track of things, and recapped the last 36 hours in a word document, for my reference. And I decide to call the fedex customer service cold-line again.

This time, I speak to Patty K and had to ask her to repeat her name THREE times. But I got it. Went through the whole, “My system says, you got your package; why should we believe you” schpeal, and then she connected me to dispatch. This is the first time in 3 days I have gotten to speak to the main warehouse. I get to speak to Jamie.

Jamie initially seems pretty OK. He calls the driver, and checks on the status of my package. And I’m OK; he’s working on it. Until he calls me back.

“Heather — it is Jamie, from FedEx. I have a status on your package.”
“Great. So what’s up?”
“The driver said he left it in the car of the garage of the 2nd house.”
“EXCUSE ME? THE CAR?”
“Um yes. It should be in your car.”
“No. The Second house is NOT my house. SO IT IS NOT IN MY CAR. And for your drivers to be putting packages inside vehicles does not sound professional, and sounds like an invasion of privacy. This has worn my patience thin. I’m escalating this one”
“Please don’t. We’ll fix it by end of business today. The driver will be right over.” {Click}

So I’m in rare form now. This is pretty insane, if you ask me. Over a pair of freakin’ pajamas.
I’ve wasted a good 2 hours of my life, and an afternoon at home waiting for Mike the belching driver.

I get to meet Mike about 3:45 pm.

First thing he does is drive over to the neighbor’s house, and finds the package. Walks to my house in the snow, and I greet him in the driveway.
He looks grizzled and annoyed. Excellent.

“Here’s your stuff.”
“Great. Thank you.”
“Could have walked over there to get it you know.”
“From our conversation, I had no idea where you put it. And you told your boss you put it in a CAR. Better directions would have helped. And besides, I’m not the one who screwed up. So here’s the house; you know for next time.”
“{mutters something under breath; appears to rhyme with ‘itch’}”

So I now have my jammies. Which is excellent. LLBean is getting a nice letter. Which is probably OK for them, and not excellent for all of the people I have spoken to; last names or not. I can’t say, “Don’t use FedEx.” Because that’s not realistic in this day & age. But I can say now that you have all been forewarned.

And I write this, sitting in my nice LLBean jammies. And yes; it was worth it.